on a subway
under Boston
sat a kid in a ratty hat
with his finger in his nose
by the window
dressed in velvet
sat a girl from the Mississippi
and she squished
when she walked
cause her shoes were full of tears
and the kid fished out a marble
from a pocket
of his baggy pants
and he looked up
and he saw the girl so he fished around for two.
and he found lotsa garbage
in the pockets of his baggy pants
all sortsa things
he’d forgotten
had found their way there.
there were pumpkins
and grapefruit
and a couple of shiny hooks
blue horses
the ocean
and a starfish or two
there was seaweed
there were mountains
a tornado only slightly used
brass buttons and goblins
and snakes enough for two
three chuckles
some giggles
a box full of silly talk
a small book of drawings
and a left handed shoe
from the shoe
dropped a marble
blue and green and purple
and he grabbed it
and he gave it to the girl
and she looked up
from her squishy shoes
with eyes full of thank yous
and she said
thanks a lot
but it’s got boogers on it.
on a subway under Boston
sat a kid in a ratty hat
and beside him under Boston
a little girl with wrinkled toes.
left handed shoes ⤠I like the way it sounds.
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I love the imagery:). Maybe you let it lie and edit it later? I think the impact is getting dissolved by the length, but otherwise I love the concept and the pictures it made for me.
http://amloki.blogspot.com
http://damyantiwrites.wordpress.com
btw, thanks for digging me out thru katie’s blog…..and add a link to me so it will be easier next time*wink*
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damyantig, thanks for the very useful feedback. And I’ll add the link!
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You are welcome, and I am glad you found it useful:)
I have already linked to you on my amloki blog!
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This reminded me of a little one Iwrote some time back
Rainy day cheeks
Pressed against glass
Blurred by fingerprints
And breath
Fishbowl views
Of a world too fast
To hold little hands
Yours, though, gets much more in depth (obviously) and far more personable.
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Hi Oz, I like yours a lot, actually.Mine is just silly talk. (Which I love, I’m not putting it down.) But in yours I feel the cold glass and the reverie and the shift to the grown up and loving perspective.
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Not just silly talk! Brilliant imagery. More please.
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thanks ali. I’m still here, just snowed under in Boston.
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Gorgeous……..such a lovely energy, such great images. Really made me smile!
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Kudos on the imagery work here, which makes the piece, the scene so grounded (as though, while I’m reading it, it’s actually happening simultaneously). đ
My first time here, and I’ve been perusing your posted poems. This one is a sure fave of mine among your works. đ Thank you for visiting my own poetry site and commenting so kindly. Cheers!
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i love that poem its like i can remember it happening now that u say it! so innocent and so true
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